Have you ever pulled a muscle trying to get a stubborn zipper zipped?

I'm determined to get into this dress by the weekend. I almost have the zipper up, although I had to quit because I strained my neck torquing my body around as I inched the mother up my back. How do you explain that to a physical therapist?

The physics that went in to this try-on were unbelievable. There I was, lying diagonally across my bed,  sucking in my stomach, and exhaling all of the air out of my lungs so that I could zip this, I-should-have-given-this-away-long-ago, little fabulous black cocktail dress, up my back. I just couldn't do it. What happened? It fit me last year, or was that two years ago?

Was it the Labor Day Nachos? I think I know what it was. I'm getting punished for grazing in the nut aisle at Whole Foods. Have you ever tried those Tamari Roasted Almonds? To die for.

I am going to have to get my hands on some fabulous shapewear if I want this dress to zip. In the meantime, no salt for me this week. I gotta find a miracle. Water and prayer may not cover it.