The police pulled me over to see what illicit drugs I had in my possession.

He watched me drive over the speed limit and nearly hit the fence at my
friends' house in an effort to satisfy a desperate need. "But Officer," I said, "its only hormones!!" I cracked myself up thinking about what happened that day as I set up my own drug deal. I was desperate. I needed my fix and I couldn't reach anyone.

The doctor’s office was closed. The pharmacy wouldn't give me a refill.  If I
didn't get my drug of choice I would become a moody, irrational bitch. I would
start sweating, it would be ugly.

My drug of choice? The Vivelle Hormone patch!!  The thought of moody hot
flashes started to make me quiver. I grew nauseous just thinking about a weekend
left to my own hormones.

Then I had a brainstorm!  I will call my friend who uses the same dosage and see if I can catch her before she leaves town for the weekend.  She was just leaving but hearing the desperation in my voice she told me she would leave me a patch under her front doormat. No charge!  I kid you not!

So this is what it has come to. A desperate, crazy search for a freakin' hormone patch.
The drug deal of our hormonal era. Sigh.