This spectator World Cup trumpet has got to go.

Now I know what dogs feel like when they hear that high pitched training whistle. I promise that I'll roll over and give you my paw too if you just quit blowing that friggin thing. I have to watch the World Cup without the sound on because that bee-buzzing-monotonous noise just grind my gears like nails on a chalkboard. It's insane.

It really makes you love that terrible towel doesn't it? Silent but effective. I miss the crowd cheers. Don't you? I sincerely hope that these plastic horns are banned from our stadiums. The highlight of going to a Yankee game is not just for the food, it's for hearing the guy two rows back scream, "Sit down you fucktard, you're blocking my view."

We need to protect our borders. Especially since these terrible tooters are selling like hotcakes on Ebay. Who do we need to call? The FTC or the CDC?