My doctor friends say it's not medically possible but I have the pictures to prove it.

Every year my nose gets a bit bigger.

"Your face is shrinking, sweetheart" reports my mother, a self proclaimed expert in all things age related.

Don't think so. Things shrink as you age so the nose should go with it, right? In fact, bring up shrinkage in our crowd and we can all talk in circles about the degrees of it. The only thing that hasn't shrunk on my body, besides my nose, is my ass. Explain that.

The nose issue has been on my mind so I took to the internet to do a little research. Pinocchio pictures notwithstanding, I discovered an interesting article about nose growth that attributes it to GRAVITY.

"As the collagen and elastin in our skin break down, our skin loses its strength and suppleness and the pull of gravity wreaks all manner of havoc upon our bodies. It causes the tips of our noses to droop, our eyelids to fall, our ears to elongate and our jowls to form. It causes our boobs and our scrotums to sag too."

Who said the internet was dangerous? I'm going with the gravity excuse because I'm the type of person that needs an answer. (Can you tell?)  In the meantime, I'm gonna try and patent a sling for my nose. Sort of works for the boobs, doesn't it? Scrotum holders...you're on your own.