There goes the neighborhood.

As a jittery New Yorker, who moved to Connecticut twenty years ago, I have made some great strides in getting one with nature. It started with the discovery that my house had "night birds". At dusk, during  my first outdoor grilling experience, I was greeted by two dozen stealth flying "birds" that flew from the roof of my house into a nearby tree.

"Cool, we have birds!" I called to my husband as I flipped the chicken.

He stuck his head out of the door and said, "Birds don't fly at night".

"You're shitting me" became my response for every other woodland creature we encountered.

Yes, I'm the psycho nut that called 911 when a large coyote appeared in my backyard. It looked like a scary German Sheppard on crack.

"Ma'am, we can't do anything unless it appears menacing," the officer said.

"I think he's stalking my children," I pleaded.

He suggested that I bang two pots together and it worked like a charm.  Lock and load, baby. In fact, it worked for every fox, raccoon and woodchuck to this day. It did not, however, have any effect on the deer with the "f*ck you homey" faces. They ate every bit of foliage we had until we erected a 6 foot tall chain link fence to keep them out.

Did I mention the skunks under our deck? The 7 foot wing spanned hawks that circled my yard when my puppy went out to pee? The bear on the hiking trail in the nature preserve?

Driving is a whole other deal. Deer, ducks, wild turkeys and arrogant geese dart out without warning. It's a suburban Grand Theft Auto! Recently a Moose, believed to have migrated down from Maine, was clipped on the parkway and just last week, a mountain lion was killed as well. Mountain lion?

No one has seen a mountain lion in Connecticut since the 19th century. Another one was spotted a few days ago in a nearby town. Last night's news had a police officer giving instructions what to do if you encounter one.

"Maintain eye contact and slowly back away" she offered.

Funny how there was no mention of pots and pans.