MyPheme – Tell It Like It Is

A warm body or two double A's....hmmm?

I used to be pretty adept at self-service. I never even considered anything artificial. The men in my life were always more than willing to oblige, and when they weren’t around I had no trouble taking care of my business. The closest I came to an actual material encounter was when I moved in t...

I know being a vegan is the politically correct thing to be right now.

It immediately identifies you as a compassionate, earthy, committed person who has the courage to live by their convictions. This is also true of an environmentalist, an animal rights activist, a hater of global warming, an expert in Ashtanga Yoga, a toter of reusable bags, an organic produce ...

It's times like these when I'm not liking the passenger side of the car.

My daughter Annie turned 15 a week ago and here in Colorado that means she’s eligible to get a learner’s permit. Among the many things in life that don’t make sense to me, here’s one: It took her exactly ten minutes to pass a test that will enable her to drive a car. It takes her longer to und...

Last summer we took our first trip to New York.

I faithfully studied the Frommer’s Guide to New York City With Kids to find the perfect place to park our suburban family for the two-day trip. The financial district turned out to be surprisingly low-key and family friendly over the weekend. Despite our tourist status, it didn’t take lon...

I fell apart in Bill Murray’s kitchen.

I hadn’t planned to. I actually thought I was going to fall apart on the airplane ride from Denver to New York, but for some reason, the person in the travel department at Time Inc booked me a ticket in first class. I am a coach kind of girl so losing it in first class didn’t seem right. If I ...

When a wife and mother of two in the prime of her life makes the shocking discovery that she is descended from Methodist werewolves, she employs a mythical device to help hide her gruesomeness from her family and the world at large.

I’m driving the other day with the sunroof open (in keeping with California state law).  As I glance in the rear view mirror, the sunlight hits my face at just the right angle and [cue slasher theme from “Psycho”] I make the grisly discovery that I am the fourth member of ZZ Top.
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This script was read and loved by every agent in NYC and like 99.8% of all great scripts, it was NEVER made.

ALMOST DOESN'T COUNT is the story of two single women, who share a history of bad dating and decide to do something outrageous about it. The excerpt below follows one of the women and the crazy ass dinner she has with her mother in New York City.

INT/HUNAN TASTE RESTAURANT: WESTSIDE /EA...

Whatever you do in this world, make sure to ALWAYS tell it like it is.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core™ or Dri-Weave™ absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running u...