MyPheme – Tell It Like It Is

When a wife and mother of two in the prime of her life makes the shocking discovery that she is descended from Methodist werewolves, she employs a mythical device to help hide her gruesomeness from her family and the world at large.

I’m driving the other day with the sunroof open (in keeping with California state law).  As I glance in the rear view mirror, the sunlight hits my face at just the right angle and [cue slasher theme from “Psycho”] I make the grisly discovery that I am the fourth member of ZZ Top.
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This script was read and loved by every agent in NYC and like 99.8% of all great scripts, it was NEVER made.

ALMOST DOESN'T COUNT is the story of two single women, who share a history of bad dating and decide to do something outrageous about it. The excerpt below follows one of the women and the crazy ass dinner she has with her mother in New York City.

INT/HUNAN TASTE RESTAURANT: WESTSIDE /EA...

Whatever you do in this world, make sure to ALWAYS tell it like it is.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core™ or Dri-Weave™ absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running u...

I was having a dandelion problem.

I have always referred to my front lawn as The Single Mother Lawn and kind of laughed off the fact that my front patch of grass and weeds looks scary compared to my neighbors. The idea that I needed to deal with the problem was floating around my head when I saw the Chem Lawn truck across the ...

There’s something about summer that throws my household into complete chaos.

I’d like to think it’s the heat, but in reality, it’s just the fact that during summer I need a break, so I step down from my job as Admiral. With no one steering the ship, it’s sheer bedlam. The kid goes to bed whenever his eyes seem to shut and wherever his body seems to flop. Last night tha...

A warm body or two double A's....hmmm?

I used to be pretty adept at self-service. I never even considered anything artificial. The men in my life were always more than willing to oblige, and when they weren’t around I had no trouble taking care of my business. The closest I came to an actual material encounter was when I moved in t...

Learning about sex, one B at a time.

I can remember, in almost pretty vivid detail, the day I learned about the birds and the bees. It was a muggy; overcast, hot, Pittsburgh summer day. The kind that made you want to run through everyone’s garden sprinkler. I was nine and sitting on the front stoop of my house with my 10 year old...