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Hey sisters, I'm embracing my big wide one because I believe in Bootyism.
Gretchen
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Hate to be a kill joy but I only love surprise parties if I know about them.
Susan
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A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.
Ellen
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People who think they know everything really annoy those of us who do.
Nancy
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I suffer from Grab-itis...you know, when your hand accidentally reaches for other peoples french fries?
Gretchen
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I would wear them out to dinner if it weren't for the annoying new Lulu sticker on the back of the knee.
Becky
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My bathroom screams hotel shampoo/conditioner/shower gel/mouthwash klepto- disorder.
Anonymous
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It's not old behavior if you just did it!
Janet
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taught my husband XBox Biggest Loser , now he walks like he's 80
Debi
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Dried my yoga mat in the dryer by mistake and now my house smells like burnt tires. Namasted myself.
Rita
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My coffee is so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.
Marian
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Everyone is kneaded out of the same dough but not baked in the same oven.
Yiddish Proverb
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Do you keep your shoes in the boxes or not? And what about those dust bags?
Michelle
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When the smoke detector goes off in my house, that usually means DINNER IS DONE!
Debi
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A little water, vegetables...You can't f**k up soup, can you?
Maureen
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More excitement from LEFT ON THE STOVE SERIES: Over-boiled the eggs and gunfire erupted in the kitchen.
Susan
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I take the job seriously and use my readers to tweeze.
Debi
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Smile - sunshine is good for your teeth.
Janet
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My go to line is: Can I just tell you one thing....?
Marian
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I need a nite lite. I have no more toes left to stub.
Debi
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I refuse to get Facebook fatigue from stalking old, sucky boyfriends.
Gretchen
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Can you overdose on those Gummy Bear Vitamins?
Anonymous
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I understand the concept of cleaning but just not how it applies to me.
Shelley
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Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
Debi
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Yoga girls are kind of twisted...but in a really good way.
Jill
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Did you know vaginas drop? One morning I look down and say, 'Why am I wearing a bunny slipper?
Joan Rivers
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Facebook would be a lot more interesting if it had a GHASTLY PHOTO section.
Ann
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ok so skinny cow makes ice cream , does ice cream make a skinny cow?
Debi
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Laugh all you want but dark chocolate helps to reduce the stress hormones that are swarming in your body.
Leslie
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Ever get calf cramps from platform wedges?
Gretchen
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